As of right now, literally right now, I am in such a great mood. I’ll leave that at that.
It’s funny the way the world works. I think from junior high school to now my optimism had been on a downward slope and I haven’t had hope for humanity and things like that in such a long time. In the most recent months I like to think that I’ve had the worst impression of things that I’ve ever had. Pessimism became easier, keeping expectations low to not be disappointed was easier. And it’s not just me, it’s so many people around me as well. Like so much of NY breathes negativity and your heart becomes as hard as a rock.
Time and time again I catch myself and I realize, I really can’t let that happen to me. I hope on everything I grow in light, I hope my heart stays as soft as a pillow and is forever welcoming. And I hope the people around me lighten up as well.
People in our generation don’t care for consequences, relationships and shit like that. It’s all about the come up, how many you lay and how much money you have in your pocket. Fuck your savings, fuck revenue, fuck love, fuck morals.
Fuck our generation.
I’m not really sure why I feel so much angst towards this right now. I understand completely that everyone is out there grinding hard and I out of all people do appreciate hard work. Hard work is all I’ve ever known but there’s no heart. Or there’s little heart behind the motive. Even healthcare is business from a distance. Life became more numbers then memories and skill no longer follows experience.
I don’t know.
YO it’s January! Ridiculousssss I spent the first two weeks of January drinking a lottt.
I haven’t posted in forever. No crazy sap ass stories, no ridiculous girly ranting. 2013 ended with a bang and some vomit, lots of laughs and family. I still can’t believe it’s been a year… my blog post exactly a year ago on this tumblr was embarrassing, and miserable, but hilarious. We all get a little crazy sometimes. A year ago today, I was telling myself to have patience. I still tell myself the same thing, except with different means. By the end of 2014, I SHOULD be graduating from nursing school. I’ll be preparing myself for adulthood, and that shit is crazy. I only learned how to dance in 2013. I kind of feel like this year is a little stagnant, only because school is my priority, and right now all I can really do is pass. Read like hell, remember everything, yadda yadda be a good student. I’m not really a good student. I drink when I can, I try to keep as relaxed as possible, I chill too often and I work a little too much. Honestly, I think that’s why I’m doing well. Balance is everything. School is all I talk about, but it’s because I’m really proud of how far I’ve come. I went from not knowing at all what I wanted to do, to realizing every amazing quality of a career that I can have for the rest of my life. And i’m not really worried at all. I like being 22 and having that shit together. I like knowing at least one thing that will be there at the end of this road, because I’m going to pass, and I’m going to be awesome.
Anyways, so 2014… goals? 1. Graduate. 2. Live in the moment, not in the future. 3. Eat healthier. 4. Spread love. 5. Go to museums and galleries more often.
I am a positive motherfucker. I am also an asshole. I’m a little pretentious, but normally I’m sweet. I am patient sometimes. This year I’d like to work on strengthening my will power. Being able to say no without a heavy heart, whether it’s for favors or food. I will be nice to everyone, I will smile way more often, and I will be a lot friendlier.
I feel good. Things are looking good.
What starts in summer ends in summer… Sorry, not sorry.